Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize