got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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