when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
