my being single is dangerous.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize