i can't believe i had my finger in that
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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