why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
