Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
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