i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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