I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Will exercising make me less horny?
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