You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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