Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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