Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize