Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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