it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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