Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
