I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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