i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
