my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
