A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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