If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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