im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I AM VODKA MAN
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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