Ambien. No doubt about it.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
