I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
