she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i think my cat just said my name.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
