Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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