I heard we made out
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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