my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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