i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize