# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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