I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize