Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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