What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
