I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
