im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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