You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
