no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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