What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
