Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize