When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
