Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
