I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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