So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize