i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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