Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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