He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
