I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
