Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize