It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
