Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
