Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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