we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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