Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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