meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
