there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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