i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
