DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
