She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
