I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
