First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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