Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
