I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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