I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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