hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
