What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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